Tita Amiga

Last night in our class, I learned about my attachment style.

I was ANXIOUS PREOCCUPIED.

It helps to know as it speaks volumes to why I was dealing with a repetitive pattern of behavior.

My mother also shares the same attachment. It's not genetics. This theory explains that our primary caregiver (in my case, my mother) influences us with their attachment styles.

This attachment style stems from inconsistent parenting; my mom also experiences the same with my grandparents.

Her parents' separation and her paternal grandparents' control significantly affected her. I often hear her stories growing up. She's not ashamed of letting me see her childhood world. She always tells me her frustrations as a child and even as an adult.

As early as 5 years old, I became her counselor. Somehow I became her parent by providing her a safe space and meeting her emotional needs. And it drained me as a child (I'll talk about it in a different post as this is my mom's story).

I'm a witness how preoccupied she was tending to her childhood wound and unstable marriage with my dad. But she is a good mom. She did all she could to look after me and my brother's needs. It's just that she, too, suffered from my grandparents' immaturity and erratic choices.

I am not here to give advice on marriage, but from a perspective of a broken child (and adult), anyone needs to heal their childhood wounds before entering a relationship. Let's not pass the wounds to our partner and to our kids.

I'm glad that I'm breaking unwanted generational patterns in our family. It's not easy, but I know it will be worth it. I hope everyone will be aware of this and have access to the help I'm currently getting.

My healing journey is dedicated to my mama, who has been a resident of heaven for 8 yrs already. I promise I will be your better version to give a secure attachment to your future grandchildren. ❤️✨

I started my healing journey in February 2021, and it was one of the most humbling moments in my life.

By then, I was already experiencing various physical manifestations of my health as I dealt with recurring allergies. I also noticed that I quickly became ill despite trying to be healthy and physically active. Fortunately, I met with a nutritionist who encouraged me to check if I'm harboring any unwanted emotions as it also directly affect my overall well-being.

So in addition to changing certain unhealthy lifestyles, I also have to talk about my mental and emotional health, the root cause.

I always thought I was resilient. After all, my parents did an excellent job bringing me up to be independent. But I got it wrong. I was only good at suppressing my feelings.

That's why I sought help in various methods (group and individual professional sessions). I won't go into the details, but it was the toughest thing I've ever done: being vulnerable.

This was the first time I was honest with my hidden demons every time I was triggered. I will be so exposed and naked, but I know I must if I want to be helped. I must break down my wall and believe in the painful process and the people helping me.

And I shall always be grateful for the support of certain trustworthy individuals. They became my accountable community partners. They accepted my unwanted parts and made me feel loved.

They made me feel loved despite the ugly truths about myself.

And while I'm still on the healing journey, I have been inspired to do the same. I wanted to give back to the universe, at least the kindness it showed me. I want to be a ray of hope to wounded people living in this broken world.

And I hope that in the future, I can look back and say that all these tears are worth crying to that end.

It’s been 7 months since the last time I posted. It’s actually frustrating that I wasn’t able to sustain the plan of utilizing this account. I was supposed to promote myself heavily as a financial advisor, but between those months, life happens.

My brain was all over the place, and I couldn’t focus on what I should prioritize. I was caught in the middle of everything—juggling three side hustles, my attendance at the 6-month inner healing program, becoming a student, and me entering a new season as a wife. And I haven’t gotten to process everything yet, only until now.

And as I navigate myself on this new journey, I would like to start practicing gratitude. I want to express my gratitude to our Lord for the strength and wisdom He has given me especially during the whole wedding preparation. I couldn’t thank Him enough for the financial provision and the support from our family and friends.

How about you? What are you grateful for in your life lately?

(art sculpture display from arts and bean coffee shop)

This was an idea way back in early 2019, when I turned 1 year being a financial advisor.

“Ah gusto ko gumawa ng page tapos aside sa financial planning and tips, gusto ko din mag-share ng mga ibang adulting stuffs”
“Gusto ko magkaroon ng avenue na matuto din ako sa mga isshare ng iba”
“Ohh I want to connect to other people with the same sentiment or value”

Some close friends are even supportive with this idea to the point that someone helped me in doing some of the materials which I will be posting.

I published my IG page last year pero hindi ako nakapag-commit to post and justify it with too many excuses I could come up with.

“I have so much in my plate at the moment”
“Wala pa ako sa mood na upuan yan”
“I’m not motivated enough to start it”
“Kaso di naman talaga ako magaling magsulat”
“Paano kung walang magbasa?”
“I do not have the courage to do it”

I still continued to share the idea to some close friends until I heard someone say, "maybe you should just give up that idea and look for other things to do instead".

It was a slapped on my face kasi I realized na “oo nga noh, super tagal na naka-park ng idea na ito pero wala ako ginagawa”.

And those exact words motivated me to finally start this because I cannot give up the idea of spreading awareness on managing finances, the importance of insurance in our lives, sharing some of my adulting and healing journeys and connecting to people while learning from them. Nakakatawa lang na ang pag-reverse psychology pa ang naging motivating force ko to commit to this.

As the saying goes "When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump".

Ngayon, mas naiintindihan ko na kung bakit fear ang opposite ng love. Fear often cripples us in doing what we love.

So today, Tita Amiga is finally saying Hello to everyone. I hope I can share nuggets of wisdom from my venture of adulting while also learning from your comments and messages.

Follow me on my IG .titaamiga. 🫶

Malay mo bukas meron na rin ako sa YT and Tiktok hehe😎

(📸2017, Eddet River)